I had a bad day yesterday. Not epic bad, just not so good. Just one of those days, when I was starting to get really frustrated. With the fact that no one returns my emails or phone calls. With the fact that it seems like EVERY time I got a subbing email, someone else already snatched up the class. With the fact that the pay in Seattle sucks in relation to Chicago. With the fact that I could NOT for the life of me get into handstand with my benchwarmer leg. With the fact that my butt felt big, my legs felt tired and all I wanted to do was eat ice cream. I was just pretty pissed at the universe in general.
And then I realized that it was OKAY to have that bad day.
Yes, that is what the yoga has taught me today. Well, it’s one of the myriad of things that yoga has taught me, but on this particular day, I needed to know it was okay to be pissed. It was okay to be not happy. It was okay to be a little jealous of that girl in the practice room who just hops up into handstand without seemingly even thinking about it. It was okay to be mad at people for their inability to answer my emails or phone calls, even if it was just to tell me no (yes, I am not a big fan of no, but that’s for another blog). And above all, the yoga let me know that it was okay to eat ice cream, even if it’s full of sugar and dairy and super bad for you. Because it doesn’t matter, as long as it tastes good, right?
What I am getting at is that no one is perfect. And every time I am on Facebook, searching for inspiration for not just myself, but for others, I get frustrated with the fact that it seems unacceptable to rant, rave or have that bad day. Every single yogalebrity out there (take your pick, there are many) seems to have it so together. Come take a workshop with me, travel to Greece with me, learn how to stand on one hand in the middle of the room with me. Yeah, but is all that going to get me any closer to knowing who I am and getting me on my path? For me personally, not so much. I think I get more from my bad days, especially when I give myself permission to have them.
I am tired of having to be perfect in all ways. Because that is the sense I get, not only from the general population, but from the yoga community at large as well. Do some fancy poses, have your picture on the cover of Yoga Journal, land a sweet contract selling shit for some yoga accessories company and good stuff happens? Not for most people. Most of us have to work really hard and have a slew of bad days to get one good one. I believe the good stuff happens after you allow yourself to realize that it’s not all going to be good. There will be some good, some bad and a lot inbetween. But when I realize that it is indeed OKAY to accept the good, the bad and the ugly, then I am finally getting somewhere.
And you know what? Today is turning out to be okay.